So your preteen is now a Middle Schooler? Transitioning from Elementary to Middle School

As we are coming towards the end of the summer, it’s very common to hear from adolescents and parents about a range of different emotions when thinking about this transition to a new school (anticipation, excitement, nervousness, resistance, and it's hard to believe that they grew up so fast).

Your elementary schooler is now a middle schooler!

That's a huge accomplishment and transition that can feel overwhelming and exciting at times. Leaving the comfort of a known environment and teachers to a new school, new administration, new teachers, new classes, and sometimes new students. It makes sense that there would be a little bit of nervousness for some adolescents, but they are so capable of navigating this jump. As a parent here are a couple of suggestions that could be helpful in helping your child navigate this transition. 

Nervous for Middle School? Be the one to start the conversation!

First, just have an open conversation about your child's thoughts and feelings around starting middle school. There is a chance that they are already feeling excited and ready for this new transition. If those are their feelings, it’s okay to lean into those emotions and trust that they are ready.

However, sometimes there is nervousness and hesitance towards starting something new, and it can be beneficial to open up a line of communication. Students have already heard a wide range of messages from peers, teachers, and online.

Here are some questions to ask to get the conversation started:

• “I’m curious about what you think about middle school?”

• “What are some of the things you’ve heard about middle school?”

• “Wow, I cannot believe that you are a middle schooler now, how does it feel?”

You may not receive an answer immediately or you might hear a short answer, but that does not mean that they will not share with you when the time is right for them. Just opening up the conversation can help your adolescent know that you are there for them.

Address the messages they've already heard

Some of the messages that adolescents hear about middle school may be positive, and some may unintentionally be more negative and put pressure on the student. Some things that you may hear are that the teachers and principal are mean, things will be harder, so much more work, teachers are less patient with students, my friends told me that things get so much worse, etc. You may even remember some of these different messages from your childhood.

Although some of these things could be true to an extent, there are things that your child has already overcome going into each new grade level. Holding space for your child to share some of their worries can help you hold space for them to feel more understood and validated.

You can begin the conversation with this sentence: “It sounds like you’ve heard things are harder, and that makes you more nervous.”

It’s also helpful to remember that sometimes our experience will differ from our friends, hearing about something and experiencing something personally can be different and give hope to new experiences at school. 

Hearing about others' school experiences and experiencing school personally can be very different.

Remember, your child is already prepared.

Every year in school prepares your adolescent for the next. Although this is a new school, they have been preparing for 6-7 years through elementary school to get to this next step. Each year can bring on similar challenges of newness, with new teachers and curiosity about how much work or how hard the new grade may be, but each year we overcome the new challenges.

Discuss transitions that have already happened

When your child is ready to talk, it's okay to validate the emotions you hear and share if you remember feeling similar worries (“Can I tell you a secret? I was nervous too, and ___”) anything you feel like could help normalize the emotions and experience. It can also be helpful to ask questions about a time that they felt like they had to overcome the worries that came with doing something new. Was it a new sport or club they attended, was it the transition from 4th to 5th grade, or was it a big change that happened in the past? They are more ready then they may even realize, and having a safe space to process, share, and understand their worries better can be helpful in building self-esteem and confidence walking into a new school year. 

If you notice that your child is feeling a greater level of anxiety and worry about taking this next step, sometimes it can be helpful to have outside support. Many of these helpful tools listed above paired with therapy can set your child up for success walking into a new school year with confidence and courage.